Just about to watch this: http://www.minds.com/blog/view/201538/quite-possibly-the-most-eye-opening-six-minutes-ever-on-film - apparently the most 'mindblowing six minutes on television. *sits back and prepares to judge...
....two minutes later.....
Well, the video keeps pausing but essentially I'm looking at lots of chickens being forced into cages then prepared by masked automatons. Only mindblowing if you've been cosily buying cheap chicken from supermarkets for the last 10 years with absolutely no questioning as to how they can produce it that cheaply. Interesting though in that it's really hard to get images from inside mass production companies so someone took a big risk. And ooh, the cow bit is harder to take. Not sure the opera music over the top was necessary though. Oh, the pig bit is worst of all. They're just so much more human, and yet so delicious.

It's been a weird, weird weekend. Have spent most of it feeling very lost, as though the world outside my bed is a big, scary place. Too much alcohol, too many couples and too much awkwardness. Also too much pining over Fish. It's now been nearly a year - I need to get with someone else I think, even if it's a disaster. Hot barman sort of stood me up, which was annoying and rather humiliating last night. He may make good cocktails, but he's clearly too slippery to be trusted. On the good side, would have been much worse if we'd ever actually kissed or anything and then he'd stood me up. This annoyed me, but nothing more. However, think I'd invested in it as another opportunity to have fun and move that bit further on. Eugh. Am tired of stressing about it. I've been reading LM Montgomery - Emily of New Moon. It's lovely, and sad, and sweet - she's dangerous to read in certain moods as she plays right into my core beliefs - nothing matters as much as the relationships you have, and you won't ever be truly happy unless you're living a life you believe in. It makes me ask lots of horrible questions about what I'm doing now and where I want to end up. Hrrrghh. I do wish I loved my job - would be so much better.

Had Maisie's wedding, which was oddly flat. She looked incredibly beautiful but there was a feeling of falseness about the day - it all somehow seemed a bit empty. I think most of the other weddings I've been to, the couple have had some huge change happening in their lives, or one of them has been religious - it has felt like the ceremony meant something irrevocable. This just felt like a performance to give Maisie a new status in society. However, I think I'm being so unfair owing to 1) jealousy (we have always been competitive and at present, it must be admitted, I am losing the happiness game) and 2) not being in New York and watching their relationship deepen. What they have feels to me to be rather hollow, but either I'm wrong or that is what Maisie wants, Maybe a bit of both. It felt like a convention rather than two people who were deeply in love pledging their lives to each other. Meh. On the good side, Maisie looked AMAZING - like a supermodel, and she seemed to think it had all gone well, which is what she'd been worried about (see? strange?).

Right, this has been rather an uninspiring post, but then it's been rather a dull, annoying weekend, in spite of doing lots. I feel a cold chill when I think of the future, which just at the moment seems to be rather planned out and uncomfortable. Don't worry, I'll be back soon and plan to be in a better