Ramble and news and Reaper

Rather depressing outburst on Friday - I'd apologise but luckily no one I know reads this! Apologies instead to my future self. Barring the world self-destructing I will probably read this back and be a bit ashamed. Just got back from my Dad's 71st birthday, which was actually really nice. Adam and I had taken a night each as Mum was on holiday, so we had a very relaxed weekend until my mum came back, at which point suddenly everything became extremely stressful. I can't decide whether she was always just difficult, or whether she's become more miserable and so harder to be around. She currently has a constant air of need and passive aggressive anger at the situation she's in. It must be unimaginably horrible to have to shift in your marriage from partner to carer, so I do understand the rage, but I don't know how to help other than being there a lot. She's doing incredibly well, actually, and after a few hours she calms down, however from the moment of her entrance everybody tensed up, including Dad. Within a few moments she'd mentioned that perhaps I could stay in Chorleywood till Tuesday, told Adam off for not buying a paper, passively-aggressively suggested he mow the lawn ('I was hoping Adam would do it...'), unloaded the dishwasher, asked me lots about Fish and started questioning why Adam and I felt it necessary to be 'pissed out of our minds' before we could enjoy ourselves on nights out (fair point for most of England but not ideal fodder for 11am on a sunny Sunday morning straight after 'hello and how was the holiday'). It's exhausting, and felt much clearer than usual after such a relaxing couple of days. Adam's going to suggest she find some support groups, with the hope that now we've both suggested it (and I've sent links) she might try doing it.

In other news, I've just finished The Saga of the Exiles again, which wasn't quite as good as I remembered - actually think Fish might be right in saying they are slightly less strong than the Mileu trilogy. It just drags a little bit and things work out a little too easily at the end. I also went to see Under The Skin, a terrifying, weird, slow and exhausting film that I think I really, really like. However, it's taken me a few days to come to that conclusion. It was a little like 2001, though with sex; a similarly eerie, fantastic portrayal of alien consciousness. Unlike the film of Enders Game, which is a pile of total crap. Can't work out if the book is worse than I remember, or if it just doesn't lend itself to film. Harrison Ford was the only good thing in it - the poor grumpy man pulled his scenes off beautifully and seemed to do his utmost to distance himself from the rest of the car crash. I'm still worryingly obsessed with  Reaper, a phone game that continues to be cute, addictive and which I'm annoyingly bad at. Also, in the story version they killed everyone that poor Reaper loved and left him wandering alone in the darkness (and that was the reward for winning :( ).

I have a potential Tinder date on Wednesday, so we'll see. I'm aware I'm still basically in love with Fish (like Voldemort, it's important to say his name often to banish the demons), but since there doesn't appear to be a solution to this (he keeps saying how much he misses me but is not exactly throwing himself in front of me and asking what he can do to make us work, and even if he did I don't know what I'd say, or how I could be reassured enough that he wouldn't just vanish again), I am desperately hunting for distraction. Sadly, desperation in any form isn't that attractive, so slightly worried I'm coming across as quite odd, rather than cool, mysterious and flirty. Ah well.

Ooh, just found a new sword on Reaper - how exciting!

Ahem.

Right, this has been a rather boring post, I suspect, but trying my best to keep writing as much as I can (which apparently isn't much, because I suffer from extreme laziness).