Well, this is a weekend that I am glad is over. Cleaning the old flat wasn't fun, to put it mildly. Low point of yesterday:
Me: (after more sensible earlier refusal to do the following, the various hours having erased my ability to ignore the pain of what we're doing) "maybe we should just give in and get professional cleaners in" Him: "no, we're nearly there now"
Me: (tearfully) "maybe, but I still won't have a home, or a boyfriend who I love"
Him: (practically) "how will a professional cleaner help with that?"

Low point of this morning (final defrosting of freezer and giving back keys):
Him: "Anna, there's something I should..."
Me: (doom)
Him: "I've been seeing a bit of Lindsey" (all-dancing, all-singing, all-coding, all-dark-haired-and-skinny-work-girl-who-had-nothing-to-do-with-our-breakup) "We're going to the opera next week"
Me: (doomconfirmed. silence. ouch)

So, after a spa with my lovely friend Lucy, I'm veering between rage (a month and a half after a seven year relationship is pretty fast, but then she was around before), tears and a sense of relief that my jealousy of her over the last six months was justified. Also, it helps to be allowed to be a bit angry with reason. And plus I have an excuse to get another glass of  the nice white wine I bought.

*goes to get another glass of wine

I now have a tidy room, aching legs and am watching Big Bang Theory. New flatmate man just got back - ironically having just discovered that his ex has also started dating someone new!

2013!

2013. It sounds so futuristic. Also, for the first time in a while I have no idea what it will bring, which is both terrifying and exciting. New job, no boyfriend and new flat - having come out of the latest black hole, I'm looking forward to the world again! Last night and day actually turned out to be wonderful. The big party was no such thing and I'm now reassured that I will stay friends with them too. It's such a relief to feel less bitter! I also explored my very first rave party (I gave the Primrose Hill canape-and-couples evening a miss). It was strange, both the lighting and people,  and made weirder by my giving in and wearing a white overall thing - felt like a druggy version of American Psycho. I'm glad I went though - it was good to see it, even if I did feel a bit like Dances with Wolves (which I'm currently watching) exploring a brand new tribe. Have spent the day very hungover, packing and happy. Seeing Fish was fine - in fact, it was nice without being painful. I do wish I could bottle the feeling I have at the moment and take a sip when I descend into the downward slope again.

Right, am going to go back and continue admiring Kevin Costner's deliciously blue and predatory eyes.